Christine's Birth of Baby Sloane (Written by Christine and shared with permission)
Our pregnancy was a surprise and since we had gotten pregnant sooner than we had planned, when I considered the reality of what I was about to go through, I realized how intimidated and unprepared I felt. After doing some research I decided that I wanted to give birth naturally, without medication or any other type of intervention, but since I had never even come close to doing anything like this before, I had a million questions and I felt anxious about the unknown. Along with a very supportive husband, I found that the thing that was the most helpful to me was talking to women who had gone through the experience themselves; conversations with these women were great reminders that I was not alone and that I was capable of giving birth and becoming a mother. Taking the Bradley class with my husband was also very helpful, especially because the instructor, Heather, was so open about sharing her experience and wanting to encourage women to be empowered in the transition into motherhood.
There really is no better time than when you are pregnant that you find yourself needing strong, experienced, and loving women by your side. This is one of those key moments when a girl feels really grateful for her lady friends, mothers and sisters and should seek them out. Unfortunately, my mother was not going to be able to be there for the birth, and as time went on I realized how valuable it would be to have a doula with me and my husband during labor and delivery. My initial hesitation about having a doula had been because: 1) I wasn’t quite sure what the role of a doula was and didn’t understand the difference between a doula and midwife, and 2) I wasn’t sure if I would want another person I barely knew there with me during the time when I was most vulnerable. This second obstacle was overcome by the fact that Taylor is a good friend, but just as importantly, she is exactly the type of person you would want around in a difficult situation. She is calm, wise, compassionate, practical and strong – traits that are invaluable to a pregnancy and labor process. As to the first concern, I learned that the midwife and doula have different areas that they cover, and while these areas do overlap, there is a reason why their roles are distinct:
A midwife is someone who deals mostly with the medical and anatomical side of things. She checks to see how far you are dilated, she monitors your vitals and the baby’s vitals, determines the baby’s position and progress, catches the baby and addresses your body in the aftermath. The midwife who was at my birth, Melanie, was amazing and she became my new favorite person after the whole experience, but during my pregnancy, the Women’s Center wasn’t sure who would be on call during my birth, so I saw 5 different midwives during my pregnancy. That made it hard to build rapport with any specific person, and since I only saw them when I went in for doctor’s appointments, there was uncertainty surrounding my expectations of the labor.
A doula is someone who deals much more personally with your expectations, as well as both the practical and emotional side of the labor. A doula is someone who is in tune to your fears and hopes, and tries to make sure that you get the birth experience that will make you feel the most comfortable. This means answering stupid questions, giving helpful and practical advice, being an advocate for you at the hospital, helping your husband know what to do, and acting as a coach throughout the labor. The way I see it, a doula is kind of like the wedding coordinator for your wedding; she understand exactly how you want the wedding to go, she makes sure you don’t forget anything, acts as a liaison between parties and sees to it that everything goes according to plan as much as possible. Since I didn’t know which midwife would be delivering my daughter, it was a relief to know that I could expect my doula to be there. Taylor not only knew me as a person, but we had several conversations about my pregnancy and labor so she knew what my expectations were.
Taylor is someone who understands that each woman is different in what makes her comfortable. It is important to feel confident and strong during the labor and birth, and Taylor encouraged me to plan the birth according to what made me most comfortable. There are so many things that can be overwhelming about preparing and going into the process of labor – you feel self-conscious about your body, you’re worried about the pain, and the logistics are somewhat foreign. Also, I personally am the type of person who needs to be in control of a situation and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about being so vulnerable. Taylor talked me through some of these fears and I realized that my concerns were normal, and that having a doula who was also a friend would be a great source of encouragement and empowerment.
I called Taylor when my contractions started around 11:30 PM and she offered to come over and hang out with me. When planning for this day, I didn’t think I would need her to come to the house, but since I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible and wasn’t sure about when I could go to the hospital without it being too late, I found myself really wanting her expertise and experience there with me. Her presence at our house ended up being a huge blessing – it allowed my husband to sleep for a few hours, which meant he had the strength and energy to be with me during the hardest part of my labor later on, and I felt completely at peace knowing that I was in good hands. I didn’t feel like I needed to call the midwife or doctor every 30 minutes to see if it was time to come in because I had Taylor with me. We hung out in the living room with my sister just talking, and the combination of me being at home and feeling confident in Taylor’s abilities made those few hours of early labor go by really smoothly. Being at home and feeling so relaxed must have really helped because by the time we went into the hospital at 4:00AM, I was 8 cm dilated! It was also nice walking into the hospital with Taylor because she knew exactly where to go and what to do, and I felt like I was in good hands for the transition from home to hospital.
My contractions came even faster and harder during those next few hours, and things are hazy now but I do remember feeling relaxed and comfortable, even though I was at the hospital. Part of it had to do with the fact that I had an amazing team of people helping me – Taylor, Melanie, my husband and the nurses were all so wonderful and I could not have asked for a better group of people. Looking back, I believe God placed that specific combination of people to be at my labor. It also helped that I was able to labor in the tub, and I really loved how warm and soothing it felt being in the water during my contractions. Taylor was instrumental in all things practical like getting me water and juice, filling the tub, and suggesting things I could do. She was also a great encourager and my husband told me later that sometimes he wouldn’t know what to say or do, but that he would follow Taylor’s lead. That helped him feel like he was a part of the process in a useful way, and from my perspective, I was grateful for how encouraging he was. As things progressed, I spent time on the exercise ball, where my water broke and I remember being in so much pain, but I also remember thinking, ‘Whoa, I’m actually doing! This is do-able!’ and I had this mindset… until it was time for me to push. It was about 7AM when Melanie decided I should start pushing and those next couple of hours were brutal. By that point, I had been up all night with no sleep and as soon as I started pushing I realized how exhausted I was. For some reason I had expected the pushing to be easier and quicker than the contractions, and when it wasn’t, I felt discouraged. I distinctly remember feeling like there was no way that I was going to be able to push the baby out. I kept saying, “I can’t do it!” That was really rough, feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to get through this last, most important part, but I knew I had to in order to meet my baby girl. Melanie, Taylor and my husband became super cheerleaders at this point and every time I said I couldn’t do it, they assured me that I was doing it and talked me through trying to move things along. My husband was by my side the entire time and I remember feeling impressed with how involved and supportive he was. Since he was the closest to me, the things that he said to encourage me resounded in my ears and were extremely helpful in helping me gear up for each attempt at pushing. He later told me that he was repeating everything Taylor said because he ran out of things to say after a while, and that he was grateful she was there to show him how to be a good coach.
After each push, I wanted to give up and I felt sure that I
was never going to meet my daughter. At that point, I was so overwhelmed by
exhaustion that I couldn’t even get excited about meeting my baby – I just
wanted to sleep! After several
excruciating attempts, and lots of talk about seeing the baby’s head, all of a
sudden Melanie was holding my baby and putting her on my chest. I was too
consumed by pain and exhaustion to be able to full appreciate what had just
happened, but I do remember how happy my husband was, how relieved I was to
learn that she was healthy, and marveling at how alert she seemed. I also remember feeling extreme
gratitude for Melanie, Taylor, and the 
nurses, who all seemed like rockstars to
me. Sloane is six weeks old now and she is still alert, healthy, beautiful and
so much fun to be with. I feel extremely blessed to be her mom and I am so
thankful for the journey that brought me to her!
